It has come to pass. All which I have been fearing in recent times is now here and my life is untolerable.

My trip to Amsterdam took me away for a longer time than I had anticipated (Helmut is most uncooperative at present and seems to believe he must have what he wants at all times, including these silly driving dispensations) and I arrived in South Woodford late last night to the most terrible scene of destruction and devastation.

As William drove me up Broadwalk, three police cars and one ambulance awaited us in the driveway. In the first instance the police officer would not let me pass but I explained who I was and he thought it best to go away and return with his superior. I could see Mandy in the ambulance being attended to by ambulance men (who were very admirable and brave) while Pupu sat in the back of a police car, wailing. The senior officer - Detective Constable Cheney - suggested that we go to the police station in Ilford.

He informed me then that Pupu was under arrest and she should be getting a lawyer for her defences. I asked her what on God's earth had been going on and she would not tell me. Mr Cheney was very helpful despite this and explained from his point of view what it was that had happened.

At about ten O'clock our neighbour, Mrs Justin-English, called the emergency police to tell them there had been an explosion in our garden. She was worried at first that our generator for Pupu's hot tub had gone wrong but then she heard shouting and screaming. When the police got there, said Mr Cheney, they had to break into the house and found a fire in the back garden where Pupu, he says, was yelling at Mandy who was hiding in the hot tub and trying to extinguish a flame on her terrier, Mitzi. Well it would seem that Pupu had flown into a rage after a lot of Pimms and accused Mandy of trying to turn me against her.

Then she got a deodorant canister and, with a match, attacked the dog. Unfortunately Mandy had been reading a Hello magazine on the lounger and had a patio heater on which was using the gas. Well there then was an explosion when Pupu got too near the heater with the Impulse spray. Mandy had no choice but to jump in the jacuzzi to douse the dog and escape the flames.

Pupu who was ranting, ran to the shed to get a sledgehammer and smashed a hole in the hot tub to empty and drag Mandy out but all the water washed her away into the swimming pool and, of course, Pupu is not a good swimmer. So Mrs Justin-English (who I should mention is 81) climbed over the fence and jumped into the pool to save Pupu who was by now almost hysterical. Pupu grabbed onto Mrs JE and almost drowned her.

So the police called an ambulance and that is where I arrived with William.

I am at my last tether and can't think where I will begin with trying to solve this. I suggested that Pupu and Mandy should try to patch things up like the adults but Pupu began to wail and I could not really tell what she was saying. Mr Cheney sent me away and thought it best that Pupu take a sleep in the cells. Mandy has gone back to her mother in Loughton and now I cannot say for sure when I should eat.

Women.

Peace,

Jan Sink