It has come to pass. All which I have been fearing in recent times is now here and my life is untolerable.

My trip to Amsterdam took me away for a longer time than I had anticipated (Helmut is most uncooperative at present and seems to believe he must have what he wants at all times, including these silly driving dispensations) and I arrived in South Woodford late last night to the most terrible scene of destruction and devastation.

As William drove me up Broadwalk, three police cars and one ambulance awaited us in the driveway. In the first instance the police officer would not let me pass but I explained who I was and he thought it best to go away and return with his superior. I could see Mandy in the ambulance being attended to by ambulance men (who were very admirable and brave) while Pupu sat in the back of a police car, wailing. The senior officer - Detective Constable Cheney - suggested that we go to the police station in Ilford.

He informed me then that Pupu was under arrest and she should be getting a lawyer for her defences. I asked her what on God's earth had been going on and she would not tell me. Mr Cheney was very helpful despite this and explained from his point of view what it was that had happened.

At about ten O'clock our neighbour, Mrs Justin-English, called the emergency police to tell them there had been an explosion in our garden. She was worried at first that our generator for Pupu's hot tub had gone wrong but then she heard shouting and screaming. When the police got there, said Mr Cheney, they had to break into the house and found a fire in the back garden where Pupu, he says, was yelling at Mandy who was hiding in the hot tub and trying to extinguish a flame on her terrier, Mitzi. Well it would seem that Pupu had flown into a rage after a lot of Pimms and accused Mandy of trying to turn me against her.

Then she got a deodorant canister and, with a match, attacked the dog. Unfortunately Mandy had been reading a Hello magazine on the lounger and had a patio heater on which was using the gas. Well there then was an explosion when Pupu got too near the heater with the Impulse spray. Mandy had no choice but to jump in the jacuzzi to douse the dog and escape the flames.

Pupu who was ranting, ran to the shed to get a sledgehammer and smashed a hole in the hot tub to empty and drag Mandy out but all the water washed her away into the swimming pool and, of course, Pupu is not a good swimmer. So Mrs Justin-English (who I should mention is 81) climbed over the fence and jumped into the pool to save Pupu who was by now almost hysterical. Pupu grabbed onto Mrs JE and almost drowned her.

So the police called an ambulance and that is where I arrived with William.

I am at my last tether and can't think where I will begin with trying to solve this. I suggested that Pupu and Mandy should try to patch things up like the adults but Pupu began to wail and I could not really tell what she was saying. Mr Cheney sent me away and thought it best that Pupu take a sleep in the cells. Mandy has gone back to her mother in Loughton and now I cannot say for sure when I should eat.

Women.

Peace,

Jan Sink

Well I will not generally want to complain but I am really quite sick of this new tension between Mandy and Pupu. It puts me in mind of when Klaus was early in his music career and groupies were fighting over him.

Mandy is always at her best for me and making very good progress with the food experiment. Next I wish to use her valuable assistance for a sleep experiment which would mean her joining Pupu and me in our rooms at night. I think this is a small sacrifice when one considers the great benefits but Pupu is very mealy mouthed (if that's the right words) about this. All I did was mention a further experiment to help determine when I should visit the bathroom and she went absolutely crazy on me. She believes Mandy is after my money (what I have left of it) and when I suggested (maybe it was cruel) that it could be Mandy wanted my body, Pupu let out such a laugh that she did leave a snot on her top lip. This made her even more angry and she did then lock herself in the sauna until midnight.

Well, with all this, Mandy is a little scared of coming into work but I must advise her that she should keep the faith (maintaining the funk at always) and stay focused on this task. She has reams of paperwork to do about when I was hungry this week.

And on top of this I am scheduled to fly to Amsterdam this weeks to visit Helmut who I am told mut be 'calmed down'. Since his little adventure in driving at Stanstead when he visited, he has become obsessed with the driving and now wishes to learn in the Netherlands. He is still insistant that there must be tin foil obscuring the windows and a CCTV device fitted for him to watch the road ahead but I fear that, even for the son of Klaus Harmony, the authorities will not permit this. I suggested this to him and now he will not leave his Kleine Ruimteflat and loud whinging has been heard from within. My god, must I never have an easy time of it?! Even as I write this I am expecting a call from Suzanne Watkins-Robb demanding Klaus Harmony royalties for her second swimming pool.

I want a spliff.

Peace,

Jan Sink

It is going great! Mandy (in the white coat with clipboard) is very attentive and most helpful at recording when I am hungry. So far she has logged every time I need food and made her own categories to determine how my cravings are sequenced. For instance, she noted that at 16:37 yesterday (May 3rd) I ate a bowl of 'large grade muesli' and appeared 'peckish'. Fantastic! This will be so much help to me for creating a definitive database of feeding times complete with suggestions of what I must eat and even where!

Pupu says this is crazy. She prophesizes that I will discover that I should eat only three meals a day like anyone else but, Pupu... no. Sorry baby. This is my science and I can not be deterred from this path up 'self discovery street'.

Now I know I must apply this same rational, scientific approach to my sleeping. I can, with the help of Mandy (God willing) make a way of determining when I am tired and should sleep, nap or rest. But, again, she will create categories and for this I am most excited! I must contain my lust for knowledge. Pupu watches as I type and she says I must contain my lust for Mandy. Pah.

It seems that the Funky Porn Disco compilation by Streef la Belle is already out on release at certain e-stores and I am most unhappy with this. We thought we may be coming toward an understanding. But I think not. Already this is on TuneTribe and Napster. Soon it will be at iTunes. This is not right but, as I have said, Streef la Belle has connections with James Last and the Mafia and I could not be head to head with them!

I feel as though I may have a blackcurrant Club biscuit. I should text Mandy this.

Peace,

Jan Sink

It is true to say that Klaus did indeed have a large effect on other musicians. People are often unaware of this fact and for this reason are overlooking the significances of Klaus Harmony and his forward-thinking Avant-garde type creativita.

It was during the sessions of the movie Chenois (1973) that Isaac Hayes is said to have visited Klaus's studio in order to reassess his own ways of working. He is thought to have found the music for Wundercrotchen "damn near mind-blowing" and could not miss the opportunity to sit in on the sessions for the new movie.

Much along similar lines, Stevie Wonder is purported to have acknowledged the influence of Klaus along with Herbie Hancock as Walter Samuel has often pointed out.

"Herbie Hancock alluded to the soundtrack of 1971's Die Grosse Brustwarze Karnival having influenced his own early 1970's output, whilst Stevie Wonder, when asked about the genesis of his landmark LP, Talking Book, told a journalist, "Man, I just closed my eyes and made like I was Klaus Harmony." There being no doubt as to the extent of the album's influence, there is also much evidence of Klaus Harmony's own musical heritage, in particular his classical training under the tutelage of Henry Bysshe. A Visit to the Countryside depicts the simplicity of rural life for its sexually emancipated youth, and, in painting a portrait of such an idyllic existence, the composer draws on the descriptive, programmatic music of both Grieg and Beethoven, weaving their motifs so seamlessly into his own that it takes more than a concerted listen to discern passages of Peer Gynt and the Pastoral Symphony."

A visit which Klaus made to Los Angeles in 1979 brought him together with many great musicians who were drawing inspirations from his genius. Samuel also writies this about it:

"In an effort to imitate the vapid exuberance of Chip Jenssen's "California Gold" movies, distributor, Futafusion and record label, Judd Discs, offered to pay for Friedrich Wohlfäht and Klaus Harmony to take a short sabbatical in LA to meet with their west coast counterparts. Instead of adhering to the intensive schedule of meetings and lunches set up for him, however, Klaus eloped with Harold Faltermeyor and, for fourteen days, did little but play ping pong in his friends infamously well equipped Malibu games room. Upon his return to Europe, he began work on the score for Schaften Lieben and produced uninspired work by his own standards, but fashioned a style which made a significant impression upon Hollywood composers such as Randy Edelman and Dave Grusin."

Also, Dave Grusin took a particular cue from a certain Klaus track, Mr No More Nice Guy.

It is so that Klaus was a leader of styles and not a follower. He did take inspiration from the classical masters such as Bach and Beethoven, and from popular music such greats as Gerry Marsden, who for him was the brightest star. He was not at all fond of gimmicks or tricks in music as Walter Samuel mentions on relation to his short experiment with World Music in the score for Schaften Lieben:

"...it is thought that despite the enthusiasm of Futafusion and Judd Discs for this synthesis of Western and Eastern sounds, a style they thought both adventurous and commercially exploitable, the composer himself thought the result less than remarkable and something of a cul-de-sac in aesthetic terms. Indeed he expressed some surprise that Peter Gabriel was not able to get a similar compositional inclination out of his system somewhat sooner."

Of course only history may be the final judge of the impacts of Klaus Harmony but it needs no further elucidations that I am in the belief that Klaus was indeed a genius and did set the trends but not follow them. I don't think he bucked them either. But then what is bucking?

Pupu has made me an egg-white omelette which is what the London taxi drivers eat she tells me.

Peace,

Jan Sink

There is some guy in Denmark (what's his name!?) who was obviously very taken with the music and art of Klaus and has named himself Klaus Encounters - this is a tribute act to Klaus Harmony which is, if I may say so, most touching indeed. Pupu believes he is just a leech parasite living off the name of a genius but I disagree. He keeps the flame alive and, most important to me, helps me to live up to my promise to Klaus, that I should maintain the funk at always. Try his link homepage here which has some interesting stuff about this most special guy. Klaus Encounters. Even the music is lovingly put together, though I should say it is dreadfully crappy and would have given Klaus a good laugh indeed! No matter.

Pupu has tried to persuade me not to do my eating experiments. She believes it will be bad for my psyche. But I am determined to understand when I will be hungry. To this end I have hired a most beautiful girl from Basildon with a white coat and a stopwatch (she used to work in a vetinary surgery) and she will record when I am hungry so I may understand when best to eat. I was determined that she should provide her own clipboard but she wants to be an employee rather than self employed (where she could have claimed the expense) but she is more beautiful than I expected and she posseses her own spectacles which, though I did not expressly require, will certainly help her look the part. She is called Mandy and is a very classy lady.

Today Helmut took the first in a driving course at Stanstead. He wanted to cover the windscreen with silver foil and instead use a CCTV device by Jerrick Vander strapped to the car bonnet to navigate but of course that are most strict here in regulations (and they mock the EU?) and insisted he must use his own eyes for the driving. I think he still believes he will make them agree to tin foil on the rear window at least but I am most dubious I must say. These men live for burocracy.

Pupu is calling and I must fetch her a glass of Pimms which she always takes to the sunbed with her.

Peace,

Jan Sink